Murderbridged: Lemon's Attempt

Discussion in 'Community Submissions' started by LemonSoup, May 18, 2014.

  1. LemonSoup

    LemonSoup LS13 Admin

    Challenge Thread and save file

    It could be worse. We've got a pick and an axe, and people who can wield them. Food and booze reserves are lower than I would like, but not dire. The only wildlife in the area is our flock of sheep, pack animals, and a cat. It looks like we'll have plenty of breathing space to set up.

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    The terrain is a little uncomfortable. There's not quite enough flat land for a surface fort, and the hill is just a little too steep and off to the side for a dugout, for my liking. Can't be helped.

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    It is decided to dig straight into the flat earth. The hill is too steep for an entrance there to be effective against enemies coming from uphill. While the woodcutter cuts wood and the herbalist herbalises to supplement our food stocks, the miner gets to work. The animals are given a pasture of delicious, lush grass outside the entrance. This place is so nice!

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    no never mind okay

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    what

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    oh fuck me

    Everything suddenly drops unconscious, covered in bruises and blisters and screaming from the sudden extreme pain. Dwarves, sheep, buffalo, the lot. There's an unconscious mongoose on the other side of the brook.

    The only thing still conscious is the miner, safely hidden underground.

    So, we can reasonably conclude that this place rains goop which blisters and bruises skin then renders the unfortunate victim unconscious.

    After a time, the goop-rain stops and the dwarves stagger to their feet. This changes our plans somewhat.
    Flatoftheblade likes this.
  2. Jayce Wise

    Jayce Wise Head LS13 Admin Staff Member

    This may find it's way into my signature.
  3. LemonSoup

    LemonSoup LS13 Admin

    Covered in red slime and cursing their lack of soap, the dwarves get back to work. Fortunately, the stuff itself doesn't seem to be harmful, merely the velocity with which it comes into contact with exposed dwarves.

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    Fath the miner had been working in a large pillared entrance hall, and the first bit of good news strikes as iron ore, copper ore, lignite AND flux stone is struck. The hall is requisitioned as a temporary home for the stockpiles and optimistically-constructed outdoor workshops.

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    The beleaguered dwarves swiftly begin hauling everything inside. Or at least, they would be if they hadn't been pelted comatose by a second bout of heinous ooze. Fortunately, there seems to be a slight delayed action: Dwarves will run outside, grab something (and take a faceful of slime) and not pass out until back inside. This means they have time to recover, finish hauling their item, and run back outside for more without having to wait for the rain to stop. This is fortunate, because the ooze keeps coming for a long time. Industry! The only problem arises when the dwarves get fed up of being covered in slime, and go to clean themselves off. In the ponds. Outside. In the ooze-rain.

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    problem solving: not his strong point.

    Summer begins. Progress is slow. Despite being inside, dwarves now seem to pass out at random: whether this is because of injuries sustained from continued pelting, or their constant covering of ooze, I could not say. Only a specific few with non-critical jobs are allowed outside at this point.

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    A migrant wave arrives, and our number swells to 16 dwarves. Fully half of the incoming wave is composed of herbalists and fishermen. My spite is such that I am sorely tempted to leave them to pursue their chosen professions, outside in the ooze-rain. Regrettably, I need the manpower. I honestly would have preferred an influx of liberal-arts majors.

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    A quick look at Dwarf Therapist reveals that these migrants actually are liberal-arts majors, albeit in disguise. Who else would have these social skills?
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    "So Urist, I was reading "Atlas Shrugged" while picking flowers at a greenpeace rally the other night..."

    The useless dwarves are drafted into industries ill-suited for their dainty hands and appreciation for complex metaphors, and the quest begins to actually do something useful. While also, simultaneously, digging more stockpiles, clearing out the entrance hall, and trying to get some creature comforts installed. Apparently dwarves don't like sharing three ooze-drenched beds shoved up into the corner of a room crammed to the roof with supplies, comatose dwarves,and the ringing hammers of industry.

    It is also about this point I realise that, in my haste, I have made the entrance hall asymmetrical.
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    FUCK.

    The ooze also seems to have annihilated all shrub life on the surface. Fortunately, the grass for the animals and the trees seem immune. The surface resembles a scene from War of the Worlds.
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    And with that, "the dry season" arrives. I would have put that under Summer, but apparently Autumn is drier. Only time will tell whether this means a respite from the ooze, or whether we'll just have no ponds to clean the ooze off with.
  4. LemonSoup

    LemonSoup LS13 Admin

    The time passes uneventfully until another wave of migrants arrives: a poxy three dwarves. A tanner, a beekeeper and a farmer (who incidentally has next to no skill in farming.) Alas, the dry season continues to pelt us with heinous ooze, but they make it inside conscious, if covered in slime.

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    The fortress now possesses a modest set of rooms and a small hospital. The incoming dwarves are drafted to start the soap-making industry, while the shepherd shears the flock to make thread and wool. I have a feeling we might be needing a well-stocked infirmary sooner or later.

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    The fortress is now putting out a decent amount of rock crafts, which I hope to trade for an anvil and some of the supplies we can't produce - gypsum powder, magma-proof stone, and so on. Pictured is the entrance to the fortress, sporting a new trade depot and the indoor refuse heap with a miasma outlet. The fortress lacks any kind of real defence - hopefully any invaders will hold off until we can forge weapons and draft dwarves into a military force.

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    Finally, the caravan arrives. These guys get in without so much as a blister - which makes me think armour gives adequate protection from the ooze. The possibility of giving all the woodcutters and haulers armour is an interesting one.

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    They carry all we need and more. Our handful of crafts and cut gems trade in for gypsum powder, food, booze, a variety of good to cover some strange mood bases and - most precious of all - an anvil. Our metal industry can now begin. Also, we buy some ducks. Because ducks are delicious.

    Also, i finally cave and demolish the pillars in the entrance hall. Possibly not the safest thing but, y'know, we can't have our fortress being all skewy. That would be disgusting. Work also begins on installing some traps in the upper corridors, in case of invaders.

    With that, winter is upon us!
  5. Kainen

    Kainen Fabulous-min

    I find it hilarious that your dwarves are hardcore enough to get knocked out by ooze, get up and get their jobs done without giving a shit. A+ quality dwarves bred with the finest Nazi-esque eugenics for the maximum percentage of congenital analgesia.
  6. LemonSoup

    LemonSoup LS13 Admin

    The heralds of winter are, apparently, a pack of jackals. Having never encountered them before, i have no diea how dangerous they are. I hope not very.
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    The jackals disperse without incident, and we have our first hostile visitors in the form of a pair of kobold thieves. They're quickly detecting by roaming dwarves, and scurry away empty-handed. Pussies. One of them makes it so far as the entrance, and suprises an animal caretaker so much that he promptly falls into his own cage trap, leaving the thief to make his escape.
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    The dwarf is placed in the middle of the dining hall, promoted to "Chief Pillock" and left to his humiliation until the mechanic gets around to freeing him.
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    Nothing eventful happens for the rest of the season, and at last spring is upon us. We have survived an entire year!

    I think I'll give up on this overlong REPORT EVERYTHING format and come back with periodic updates and significant events. Learning!
  7. LemonSoup

    LemonSoup LS13 Admin

    A tantrum spiral was very narrowly averted when i realised that setting the milita to "replace clothing with armour" was a bad idea when I hadn't actually gotten round to forging any armour yet. For a terrifying minute, the dining hall was awash with the shouts of six stark naked dwarves wielding swords and spears.
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    Did I fuck up?

    On the bright side, an elven caravan arrived. And was promptly rendered unconscious by the rain. Suckers!
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    Don't mind the field of animal bones, that was just the livestock kicking each other to death.

    Somehow, the cage traps keep catching dwarves. I suspect they are dropping unconscious from the rain right on top of the traps, triggering them. Perhaps they're more trouble than they're worth.
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    I realise that this really has been a problem when i discover the brewer has been languishing in a cage for Armok knows how long, and we have run out of booze. Several members of the already pissed off militia promptly go insane. Fortunately, not violently. Graves are dug and coffins crafted for the inevitable starvation.

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    The fortress' first coffin is filled by Abel Lorsemor, the drafted militia captain. The headstone reads: "died of being too sober to ignore his nakedness." The plight was not helped by the metalsmith partying all the time instead of making him armour.

    The second coffin is filled by Kadol Logembesik. His spirit breaks, and he goes berserk in the middle of the crowded hospital! He strikes down the chief medical dwarf and a patient (who, fortunately enough, was the third insane militia member) before the remainders of the militia arrive to put him down with a swift spear to the throat. More coffins, mason!
  8. Theodysseygamer

    Theodysseygamer Active Member

    I sincerely hope you murdered these monstrosities you call elves or you're dead to me.
  9. Kainen

    Kainen Fabulous-min

    Rename cages to Dwarf Boxes. Its probably more apt this time around.

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